Understanding Depression

Understanding

29 May

Written By Vanessa Phan-Nguyen - Guest author

Depression is more than just sadness or having a bad day. It is a mood disorder that affects your ability to cope with daily life due to persistent low energy and loss of enjoyment of life for more than two weeks. Young people can seem more irritable, withdrawn from friends, a decline in school/work performance, headaches, and stomach aches. Depression is rarely ever caused by one thing alone. There are many reasons it can develop, such as:

Having problems with friends at school or bullying
Stressful or traumatic life events
Neurodiversity such as ADHD or Autism
Family and relationship problems
Having trouble sleeping
Feeling burnout or constant pressure from school or work
Having no support system or feeling alone

Depression can sometimes look like laziness, defiance, or behavioural problems but really, its emotional exhaustion, stress, or hopelessness hiding away. Some examples are:

Sleeping or eating more or less than usual
Becoming overwhelmed and unable to manage daily tasks
Expressing negative thoughts about themselves
Struggling with concentration, memory, or motivation
Withdrawing and isolating from loved ones

What Helps

Connection first – what to say to someone experiencing depressive symptoms

‘I’m glad you told me.’

‘That sounds really hard.’

‘I’m here for you’.

‘You don’t have to manage this alone.’

Most people usually need support and understanding before they need solutions. Listening calmly and staying emotionally available can make a significant difference.

Breaking the cycle through action

Depression creates a self-reinforcing cycle of low mood  withdrawal and inactivity  less pleasure and achievement  lower mood. Interrupting this cycle is crucial. A small, scheduled activity can lead to a slight mood and energy shift. More activity  gradual improvement. You don’t need to feel motivated first. The activity comes before the mood lifts, not after.

Challenge unhelpful thinking

Depression narrows our thinking. It can make the bad feel permanent and the good feel accidental. Try asking yourself:

‘Would I speak to my friend the same way I would speak to myself?’

‘I’ve gone through this before. What’s the difference?’

‘Is this the reality or am I overthinking?’

Stay in touch

Social withdrawal is both a symptom and driver of depression. Showing up even when you don’t want to is what matters. Small interactions like texts, phone calls, family dinner, and playing with friends will support social connection and encourage healthier coping over time.

Exercise

Regular aerobic exercise is as effective as antidepressants for mild to moderate depression. It helps increase serotonin and endorphin levels in the brain. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate activity (e.g., walking, cycling, swimming) three to five times a week. For some people, team sports and active play also provide the added benefit of social connection.

Addressing Self-Harm and Suicidal Ideation

Finding out that someone close to you is self-harming can be extremely confronting and confusing. Research indicates that people may self-harm for several reasons but it’s generally a sign that they’re struggling emotionally and attempting to manage their distress as best as they can. It does not mean you have failed as a parent. Although it’s scary to bring up, research shows that asking about self-harm does not increase suicide risk or put ideas into people’s heads. Most people often feel relieved when someone asks directly and supportively about how they are coping.

Approach conversations with curiosity rather than panic or punishment. Listen without judgement or trying to fix. Validate their experience without catastrophising. Avoid dismissing (‘you’ll be fine’) or amplifying (‘this is terrible’). Encourage open conversations with phases like:

‘I’m really glad you told me.’

‘That sounds really hard.’

‘You know you can talk to me, right?’

‘I just want to understand what’s been going on with you.’

‘We can work this out together.’

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are treatable. Early support from trusted adults, health professionals, school, and support services can make a meaningful difference to recovery and long-term wellbeing. With the right support, young people can learn emotional regulation skills, practice talking about difficult feelings, build healthy coping strategies, and reduce self-harm behaviours over time. Some signs of self-harm include: